“Nothing to heal” ( a song)

and it goes a lil' something like this...

Sometimes I feel like I am sloshed from within.
I begin to say things I don’t mean
cry in between
fight the unseen
I analyze things from behind the wheel
Wanted to know so much who’s fakin’ and who’s real
who among them is out for a kill
was I selfish to not know how it feels

But I am vulnerable in my nerves
Numb in my heart
Listless from the start

How do you say what you need say
But never think anyway the things that may?
Why is it so hard to begin from the start
When there’s nothing left to feel..nothing to heal

Never regretting what I said
Never missing what was dead
Nothing to look back
Don’t figure, don’t crack
For when you thought you got hurt
When you thought that was dirt,
Life is gracious in all ends
Let go, let it bend

But I am calm and that’s fine
Just claimed what was mine
Now tell me how I..

need say what I need say
But never think anyway the things that may?
Why is it so hard to begin from the start
When there’s nothing left to feel..nothing to heal

"Rest"

Coming down back to your senses like an itching wake-up call
You wind up your day and crack a joke.
Your eyes looking for a dose of familiarity.
Next thing you know you are chasing a headache
and losing control…
Sunset plays you a song that would rest your thoughts
…showering you with words
You will reach out for the nearest pen and paper and scribble your notes down
in endless paragraphs to the tune of a heartbreak.
You tear the paper into pieces sink down on your own bed and read a book to distract the tornado going on in your head.
You’re wistful. You’re tired and wanted to do nothing now than close your eyes and think of a beautiful face.

Tears are now falling down your eyes, crystalline as they crawl their way to your teeth.
You wanted to force a smile, think happy but you just know you have to go through it.
So much beauty it seems but painful…So much hope it seems but undeniably vague.
You wanted to believe its not your fault but deep down inside, everything is just killing you…

The amberness of what surrounds are the memories that radiates in your vision.
You finally concluded that everything was a dream drawing to a close.
You finally appreciate the beauty of loneliness and letting go.
You finally realized that that day was not the end of you.
You know today that sometime in the middle of tomorrow, this will all be over.
You know now that it could all be gone but you can still be happy.

But then at the moment all you have is the truth slapping you in the face, memories chasing you everywhere, your hands finding a good grip to hold and a prayer that would conquer all these.

Coming down back to your senses like an itching wake up call.
You tried winding up and crack a joke…Play a familiar song, breathe in some rest and watch your thoughts transformed into words.

Read all my thoughts on life,love and faith.. enjoy! 

Almost yours

Was it me?
Running by the moonlight
Coz you see
The roads ate up my pride
All I have right now
Is this song left in my mind

I would’nt dare
To even compare
The love you gave
From how he stayed
It was’nt fate that made me see
That love I deserve was the one for me
We can’t take it back
What you said and more
But just a thought
Was I even yours before?

If the sheets could talk
It would tell how true
How much I’ve whispered
The past I had with you
But its over now and I would’nt know
That I am almost yours til you had to go

Perhaps your love is greater
But not enough to make you stay
What’s clear is that he’s here
And that he never went away

I would’nt dare
To even compare
The love you gave
From how he stayed
It was’nt fate that made me see
That love I deserve was the one for me
We can’t take it back
What you said and more
But just a thought
Was I even yours before?

Nothing to hide

A moment’s glimpse
Of a possibility
I held on that day for you

There was no lie
Just you and I
And everything that’s true

I longed for a song
I’ve waited long
And failed quite terribly

Then here you are
Not that far
Your face I long to see

To know you more
Than I did before
Is all I wanna do

Although unsure
If the feeling’s pure
And everything is new

I know you’re worth
Although it hurts
To be just beside you

Then I realize
Beyond those eyes
I’d rather not go on

We’ve stumbled bad
We’ve fallen mad
And have’nt seen the dawn

You live you life
Like a soldier’s strife
I’ve planned mine completely

Perhaps it real
What we both feel
It’s just not right for me

Don’t get me wrong
This feeling’s strong
And I am not setting it aside

To be your friend
Is what I intend
Although by now there’s nothing to hide

"Truce"

I remembered when you once said/
that I can never turn this poem into bread /
You even cursed that blindfolded sun
Took my halo off though there's none
Now you're wasting away in defeat
No ounce of hope that your spirit
once seeked

You refused to even look at the light
Til I starred at you straight out for a fight
You held off this universe with a tight fist
Collecting rewards for all that you’ve risked
For all the punches that caused that bruise
The kick you gave for free
this world can't refuse
The rage that made the resounding news
I'll rectify what they did for a truce

And you talked about your angst
and the mouths that you can't feed
You could use your guts of stone
Just by stepping out to heed
To that call to get off your patriarchal shell
And refusing to be this earth’s piece of hell

Unspoken

Sleeping in a roster of words
Thought of what’s unsaid
Woke up from a drifting reality
Now wondering what we could’ve been ahead

What’s logical is to stop wondering
Keep the pace and then move on
Get off from that bed of regrets
And don’t even figure out what went wrong

Still you find it impossible
To not remember a beautiful face
You close your eyes and realize
That somebody has taken your place

And its how much you love her
That is left to be said aloud
But you know its all but useless
Coz its been said by the one she found

And I would’nt know what she feels
For I know that’s not my place
I can only tell you what you could’ve said
These unspoken words left in my head

"Bring on that DANCE"

Find that source in your secret place
Let his wisdom light up your face
Don’t just reach the heavens with a measly glance
Put on those heels and let your spirit dance

Don’t stop yourself to shout when in awe
The ocean speaks the grace you just saw
And when those hips find the urge to swing
Let your soul dance as the universe sings

Let go of the past, forget all the pain
Let your footsteps lead you as you dance in the rain
Don’t analyze nor question that beauty that you see
Love him who taught you how to love completely

For there’s no greater sin than to let your soul break
And there’s no better rhythm than the rhythm you make
I urge you now to move beyond doubt
Try moving your body as you let it all out.

This dream is but an inch away from a shake
Your life has begun for the whole world’s sake
So if I were you I wouldn’t spare a chance
To send myself off as I bring on that dance

“Sigh”

These are the places you once called home
But you’d never want to go back to

It is the past that was left unseen
And the future that was never meant

It is the one that got away and the one
Who returned and never found you

It was that gift refused and was soon found out to be the last
..the memory of a face that was soon forgotten and left unnamed

These are stories told…letters read…poems written
To someone you thought you loved 

The look that’s you.

Pain..
An impossibility that once seemed invisible until you broke it off
Cry
The first of its kind..unique in every sense..every droplet tasted like age-old salt..lingering in my tongue smelling like grass weed
Kiss
A rare commodity to even ask for….a reward I don’t even think I deserve…sliding in my memory like the light posts I drive pass everyday…everywhere…all over…inside me
Grip
Drowned in your clasp…unexplainable…the dryness of my hands....the diffusing warmth….its in your eyes as well...holding me.
Words
Now far too finite…mute knives…screaming…your last stare.
End.

"My Man"

My man whose eyes have looked at mine for eternity...His face whose cheeks are chiseled by spring day's kiss…His hands so strong, it saved my soul…My man whose words, I’ve gained my strength from…In heaven’s name his history was written…My memory he created, my heart he hold…His ways I marvel.

Never leaving me….

This free verse he knew already before written…His smile, his mercy…unconditional. My love…his sacrifice

His glory…My happiness
His death…My life.

Long and wait

Life like it was.
Struggling with me
Beneath me
Sometimes against me
Most of the time, you just have to wing it
Swing with it
Or let it be
Uncertainties in the future
Plainly living by the moment
Or just waiting….
A good job
A nice opportunity
That special someone
Happy days
A chance to ponder
That good glass of beer
A shot of tequila…
A ledge dance
Or a good cup of coffee
All too temporal but it offers a fine measly moment

After awhile, you’d realize that some things just can’t be thrown away
But at the back of your head, you know you have to.
It’s unfair…such a paradox of need
Slightly justified but most of the time misunderstood

At the end of the day, you climb back to your bed
And look forward to answers found only in your sleep

You make sacrifices often times unwavering for returns
You forgot about karma
the rewards the universe the universe holds for you on your turn
You know when you wake up that you’ll still be searching
….real friends
….a permanent vacation
….a new beginning

"Giddy"

To let you know what’s on my mind
Is like teaching poetry to the blind
We knew each other within a mile long gaze
But an inch away from a lost embrace
I never thought I’d enjoy that drive
I never thought I’d learn to dive
But then with him. I am everything and I’m sure
The moment he took me in his world for a tour
He mused at the fact that I love my savior
How he wished, he said that he too can walk on water
A million sunsets in a single day
A billion sunrise he begged to portray
Amazing if we can look forward to the next few years
Amazing how we both came from people who sent us tears
Would’nt it be great to look into someone and meet his soul?
It’s like searching a haystack to find that gold
I watched his mouth as it curved to a smile
Never been with someone as handsome for quite awhile
I had to stop since its pretty obvious if I stare
Forgot about my dinner coz of the dessert we shared
Its lame I know and I am at it again
But what then is love if kept on letting it end?
forgot about the goose bumps that once ran through my spine
Until he held my hand by the beach post sign
So there it goes in this poetry
Blind you may seem I hope you’ll see
Tell me now can you picture this?
Your good’ ol friend in a state of bliss
Romantically I vowed on a poem
In this giddiness I now found home

"Broken"

Stoned by the past
To find a safe place
Hidden in your promise
To cry out your word
Lost and searching often
wandering like a sheep
Restless and lonely always
Tied mistakenly to my frail grip

Your power has taken me
To a place where your sacrifice reigns
This is where I build your temple
Although unworthy of your name
This is where I stand righteous
Because of your blood and your death
This is where I come broken
For your wisdom and your strength

Uncontented on how you freed me
You never measured how much you gave
You looked at me and saw destiny
A stained life that’s now been saved
Journeys and exiles, the staff and your cross
Pillars and kingdoms, slaves and prophets
All for my life’s cost

The price has been paid
Through the covenant that you’ve made
This faithless soul in me
You’ve redeemed with great mercy

Your power has taken me
To a place where your sacrifice reigns
This is where I build your temple
Although unworthy of your name
This is where I stand righteous
Because of your blood and your death
This is where I come broken
For your wisdom and your strength

My new career! 

"My Redemption"

A dark soul created from blank and a response to a quiet explosion
Ranging from a bliss recurring
Swallowing the depths of a rather temporal state
The quickness of a queer thought that hardens the words from a wound

Sweetly riding the tides and memorizing verses that can save
Tried and tested from what may be…
Electrified with tunes that linger
Lost from fake liberty

The mockery that healed you
In the rampage of a falsely claimed muse
Hear the voices in your past where dreams created your name.
Feel the taste of a gripping storm

A cracking vehicle of destruction
From a heart that seeks you
Lead to a valley transgressing
Cradled in your sweet promise.

"A Charmed Life"

So much of my cousin Charmaine’s memory will come alive as she joins our creator in an everlasting summer. Seeing a beautiful life Join a summer in eternal breath Now a song in our memory Coming alive, uncovered secrets A face filled with dreams Though a young soul So it seems Much of what you’ve been Far beyond what we’ve seen No goodbyes will be told than inspirations to be unfold Every word that you spoke Every poem that you wrote Every dance you did with grace Every minute in the life you’ve made We take hold of every piece Make them our own Every minute you’re missed Let your smile come alive Though they don’t belong to me Let your smile bring us life With every note of your memory I know someday we’ll reunite with you again You belong to your maker The way your smile belongs in heaven

We'll miss you Charmaine!