Its a Pulela world!

Seven Bulgarian months to one Filipina

2010-07-23T05:46:00.001-07:00

As I celebrate the onset of my seventh month, I can say a lot of nice things about Bulgaria as well as a few words in Bulgarski. Names like Georgi,Nikolai, Gergana, Svetlana, Ralitsa, Polina, Irina, Svetoslav and Vladimir are not strange to me anymore. I can survive any Hebrew or Bulgarian conversations and try to understand them at the same time..well, somehow. I have burned my hands, cut and grated my fingers trying to make it through the kitchen while swiveling from one recipe website to another. This kitchen sacrifice I do in order to marry my Filipino fish-eating taste palette with an Israeli mouth I need to feed by dinnertime using Bulgarian ingredients.I now believe in recycling,am a perennial bookworm and a budding housewife born from picking basil leaves in my little garden for the next dish I'll be cooking. I have never had kids but knowing that I have that much patience and joy in my heart when I do my volunteer work with Bulgarian kids makes me believe that I could be an amazing mother to children of my own even if their bloodline will be cocktailed uniquely and even if they will have a different, albeit better passport and language from me.I have learned that the fish and seafood I can eat here can only be as good as I get close to the seaside three hours away from Sofia. I know that I cannot always have my way with eating rice in every dish but have managed to get a good helping of it majority of the time and eat potatoes and pasta as a replacement once in awhile. I still use a fork and a spoon on a regular meal even when those around me are using their knives and forks. Trust me, they all think it's talent! I am still uncovering the wonders of wine and vodka, have actually gone there only to realize I still need cola on the side. I can speak for myself by saying that a Pinay stomach can only eat so much cheese in a week but have the tendency to get excited at the first sight of it. I have spent time driving our little red Fiat Panda through the Cyrillic streets of cobble stones and holes in the city (without a GPS nor a map). To me, its like an off-road adventure right smack in the middle of old Europe. I have managed to get away with a speeding ticket by letting the traffic enforcers treat me as a lost case for the simple reason that I am an iota of the great Filipino race scattered in many nations but somewhat displaced in Eastern Europe (I guess that would be too much for them to take-in for such a hassle). I have learned the art of layered clothing, the magic of wool and a good pair of boots in wintertime. I have realized the disadvantage of snow eventhough I grew up to believing it was fun to play in it. I know that I am that little dot lost in the Filipino diaspora who wants to make it big in this world. I am one of the many Filipinos trying to get through every single visa procedure using the power of book-loads of documents in order to prove that I have enough proof of bonds not to go hiding in any corner of the world as an illegal alien. I have learned that as a transient citizen in the other side of the world, I would be lucky to count in one hand who my real friends would be. I am not a Bulgarian nor Israeli, I am not an EU citizen nor Russian. I refuse to fit any so-called archetype for the simple reason that I can easily grasp the essence of who I am when faced with any white nose that would stand infront of me. Now more than ever,I can only be glad that part of my cultural upbringing is to be friendly even when others are not, to be polite and yet honest, to understand cultural differences rather than giving mere judgement. I understand that the Philippines and Bulgaria are barely acquainted but I have vowed to bridge that gap by convincing one Bulgarian at a time to befriend our islands on their next planned vacation. I take pride to be the first Filipina who was able to show a Bulgarian from a remote place called Pirdop what a PH peso bill looks like and explain the eccentricities surrounding it. I am beginning to learn how to choose my own battles as a home maker, a job seeker, a foreigner,a salsa dancer and even as a turtle-sitter (we have two pet turtles). I have learned to appreciate the Pristine mountainside of the roads away from Sofia while missing my family and friends as well as the amazing beaches back home. I have come to see this new country not only as my second home but a stage of a new life chose.

2010-01-21T06:01:00.000-08:00

Three weeks and running since I got here in SOFIA, Bulgaria. Leaving in an apartment in the center with my Yaniv. He just got a car yesterday and we are yet to move in a bigger apartment soon. Everything is comfortable,beautiful, exciting, scary and temporary. We dont know what the future holds for us but I guess that this is the whole point of this set-up. A TEST. Pass or fail. The good thing is that Yaniv is doing quite a good job to not make me feel like it is one. Everyday he is loving, kind and patient. We get fits of fight every once and awhile and its only because I am hormonal, insecure and that we are both different. I hate it when that feeling of me not being enough for him gets to me sometimes. I hate the feeling of being non-contributory to this life of his that he earned and most importantly, I hate the feeling of invading his private space which is a given but obviously not an issue to him. I just wish I would feel less of that. I guess its just me and my occasional lack of self-worth.

Three weeks and counting but I honestly stopped counting. They say time flies fast when you're having fun but on my case the concept of time has been redefined by the number of job interviews and television series i've had and came across respectively, dishes I have learned to cook, weekends we have spent together, the nights I have spent making love with yaniv and/or watching him "make love" with his laptop. Its all new to me and its painful to un-blog anything that has been happening to me now.

Today I met a new friend named Vesslea. It was originally a slated job interview in Starbucks two blocks away from our apartment but we ended up talking comfortably for the next two or so hours. The interview side of the conversation is quite positive. Both of us somehow have the same idea of what I can interestingly contribute to the company and as any other interviews I had the past days, I will have to wait. She's also going out with a foreigner and we intend to have dinners soon with our partners. It feels good to have a friend that I can finally talk with. Its one of the greatest things I miss since I left Manila.

Now I am writing with my black matte stockings, ballerina over-alls and bedroom sleepers. Obviously still finding that kick to BLOG nicely..soon i'll wake up and have it.

2009-11-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

Love, Logic and Logistics

(Ramblings of a long distance love-fool)

I remember writing this once upon a time..

“…….to help myself more I thought I’ll start to calculate the extreme impossibility of seeing you again in the same way you quantify the magnitude of everything (in kilometers vs. time and money etc). A country of almost a billion people across the seas with a massive land area of three billion square meters composing of a half a million villages approximately 3,000 miles away from mine renders me an average of a million in one chances of seeing you. Not one person can justify the complexity of this statement. But then again, all these global figures are insignificant compared to the veracity of your decision”

Such is one of my many profound ramblings. While the drama of an inter-racial love affair overseas have been in fashion, the actual experience of being involved in one definitely tells a different story. Diversity indeed brings a different kind of energy in any relationship. To me, It was all about seeing a different world in one person filled with a dose of a new culture, language, adventure and possibilities that I gladly embraced in my life. Both of us were caught in an impenetrable cross-cultural bubble which somehow led us to believe that we can live for the moment until he had to proceed to his next pit stop. In view of this next chapter, the fairy-tale we both once knew has to either be ended or re-written in a new page.

My relationship now is nothing short of a case study. I would love to believe that we are somehow part of a bigger plan with an extra-ordinary destiny that any couple could experience. As I speak, I am still in this same page that sprang out from a seemingly modern-day fairy tale. I know for a fact that I will not recommend this to my children. If they can, with their sanest powers, they should try to veer away from the curse of a complicated relationship. By complicated, I mean specifically one that brings online tears and virtual loneliness but in the event that any of them end up in one, I will always start my motherly advice with the painful truth.

The whole concept of being away from the object of your affection is nothing better than watching the daily news on TV. You are there but not. You are with him (or her) but in a different time zone. Airtime in phone calls, SMS and IM are subject to invisible forms of moods and behaviors in the guise of your voices, words, pixelized video images that mostly take guesswork and analysis that fail. It is without a doubt, exhausting, expensive and uncertain. Your level of trust should be higher than any relationship given the fact that both of you cannot see what one is doing on the other side of the globe. While trust is fundamental to any relationship, its not always easy to give especially if all you have at the moment are choppy phone conversations, text messages and the memory of the last time you saw each other. For a long-distance relationship to work, I believe a couple should have one strong vision in mind and to us, it’s the goal to be together.

I can’t say that I will be ending this struggle with flying colors. While we are both trying to cross this bridge of being away from each other, the visa procedures and paperwork that come with it are not helping. We had to do more compromises than we are ready for but decided to do it anyway. If love is considered the most powerful force in the world, consular procedures should recognize this. I have come to terms with the disadvantages of my passport and with that, I know that I have yet to see the day when we can call ourselves a normal couple. I question myself why this complicated relationship is worth all the hassle and if there is one easy answer any couple could give, its just LOVE, no less. People can never quantify or question what one can do for it. In our case, we were only given a short time to physically be together and decide that its worth giving it a go. If I were to look at it in a bigger scale, we both needed the distance to validate that there’s an unwritten destiny to this. What causes this certainty is one of the few benefits only couples like us are fortunate enough to experience. While most couples in the world are trying to figure out what movie they will see next or where they would go the next weekend, we are wondering when we can actually be together again. Making a relationship work is tough per se. To be in a relationship with someone from a different race is tougher and when you add distance to the equation, it becomes hard work. I always tell myself that nothing beautiful comes easy. Take the popular case of iron put to the test fire to see its strength, I know that we will never be able to say how strong we are as a couple until we get pass all these obstacles. I have learned to see both the beauty and the reality in a long distance relationship and while I wait for the time when I can actually be in the same cross-cultural bubble we enjoyed once upon a time, I cant help but appreciate how great this experience has made our love before we can even prove it.

Playtime

2009-01-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

I wish I am a babushka

So I can break myself down

Be right where I am now

and also be right where you are somehow

I wish these gifts will be more than just a reminder of you

Coz I will settle for nothing than to swing this world with you

I wish I am babushka..
and make this piece of us inside me whole.

Til then I'll be a fool
wishing I can make this big world small..

2008-12-13T17:54:00.001-08:00

..Can't wait to be with you in the promiseland.

I love you everyday :)

"Hebrew Hangover" (no pun intended)

2008-11-02T06:02:00.000-08:00

I came down to a pit

where all closure is shit

I came close to the holy land

Riding warm beneath the sand

I wanted to be your Milk and Honey

Guess what now..

Yesh Li kaki

This Hebrew hangover left me wasted

within days that trickle by

You seem so far away and lowly

Right smack at the land of the holy

Just help me let it out Honey

Motek, Yesh Li kaki

All this will come to pass

down the "jora" of the gaza mass

no pun for this Kusit

I only want to be with you

Hear me out, Yesh Li Kaki

2008-10-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

Day 1

11:30 am - I wish I could linger with you by the elevator. The thought of never seeing you again has not fully sank in me. I just can’t stop crying. Like last night all I wanted to do was to embrace you as much as I can, as long as I can but when I turned my back as you walk through the elevator car, I let go slowly the last traces I saw of you

I left your apartment the same way I left our lives.

1:00 pm – Numb. I forced myself to get to work and treat the day like another normal day only I won’t be seeing you tomorrow, the next day, the week after or in a month. I knew that the call I got from you an hour ago was the last I may hear from you but I just decided to feel nothing. You reminded me that you love me and I decided to still feel nothing.

7:00 pm – I went back to get my car on your parking lot. This time I realized that I have to deal with the stuff you left with me. I thought how easy it will even be to forget you when half of your house have taken over mine. Even my sarcasm is now dry.

11:00 pm – I cannot sleep. I opened my PC and you are online. I buzzed you and found out of your short pit stop towards your destination. Our conversation came from a quick hi to slow heavy. My keyboards flooded momentarily with my tears as I realized more and more how hard it will be for me. I just cried myself to sleep after.

Day 2 –

7:30 AM – I could now appreciate the use of my concealer to hide the dark circles underneath my eye. It’s been awhile since I last used it. I feel like floating after a night of sleepless crying. All I know is that today would be another day when I won’t hear your voice. Another day when I just need to force a smile on my face just so nobody will bring up the topic of you.

9:00 PM – I can’t take it. The loneliness is too overwhelming. This is separation anxiety at its finest. Even though we agreed to relish our last moments with happiness, I feel like every happy place and moment we shared is beginning to bite me back one memory at a time. I sent you a message to call me and you did. I just cried and sobbed almost begging you to come back but then you told me to be strong instead. Now its pretty clear that I will never hear your voice nor see your face again.

Day 3
I miss the simple things. Your mid day call, seeing you at the end of the day. It seem like a strange new world to me, so surreal. I am basically in the same locations only without you but then everything seemed so different. I realized slowly that I just have to break the weekly pattern of having you then I can start a new. Wednesdays are usually our day. We snuggle, sleep late and wake up happy. Now to me, its different

6:00PM – I feel tired. I knew now how crying can take so much of your energy. I barely enjoyed the small meals I had. I decided to sleep early. My journey to a 10hour sleep was the best thing that has ever happened to me the past days.

Day 4

I woke up a bit recuperated. I slept too much to run a bit late for work. I still feel quite heady. Thoughts of you pass my mind in flashes. It probably helped knowing we are not breathing the same air, that you are now in a different land and time zone. Every minute still, I wonder what you are doing. I checked my email hoping that somehow you will drop me a note. No email. It hit me that now more than ever that you will just be another name on my inbox not a face that I could touch.

I decided to dance off my loneliness in the salsa floor. Something I loved doing before even meeting you…

Day 5

It’s not you I am up against here. I treated every reminder of you as a fixture, an incapable enemy that I can pound at anytime. I decided that the real enemy here is loneliness. If anything else, I can just be alone and not lonely. I began to think of my future. I also started eating which is good and bad. I ate with a friend and I realized how hungry I have been the past days.

My heart aches once in awhile although I know it will still ache some more. The good thing about it is that everybody thinks I am ok which means, I can put up a good face. I am hoping nothing weird will come around soon…Yes I guess its good that we are not talking. This solace can’t do anything more than make me ponder on other things in my life that matter.

Then to help myself more I thought I’ll start to calculate the extreme impossibility of seeing you again in the same way you quantify the magnitude of everything (in kilometers vs. time and money etc). A country of almost a billion people across three major seas from my country with a massive land area of three billion square meters composing of a half a million villages approximately 3,000 miles away from mine renders me an average of a million in one chances of seeing you. Even my MS word cannot justify the complexity of this statement. But then again, all these global figures are insignificant compared to the veracity of your decision.

10PM – I had a discussion with a friend if anyone would generally like to be the one left or the one leaving. I told him that the one leaving always has the advantage of moving on while he told me that the one left does not have the burden of the decision or regret. I can surround myself with all these clichés of love lost and coming back, of being meant to be or giving time time but they could only go so far as any insight to justify everything. I went to your friend’s house to hand him the stuff you left for him and I know that he deem it necessary to not talk about you anymore. I guess he misses you too but I know he knows how much more I miss you.

Day 6

My first Saturday waking up without you beside me. I should be happy that I am not on the same bed we shared. I woke up so early and realized how it has not been a habit for me anymore to eat breakfast at 8:00AM. I am so used to preparing my coffee shortly before you wake up for brunch, I am so used to you asking me where I want to eat or what I want to do today, I am so used to you. I felt like crying but I guess I ran out of tears. I have my plans for the weekend mapped out last night but the minute I woke and thought of you, I just had to recall each one of them.

How I wish I can take control of the time. Being preoccupied can only go so far. I still have to battle with the invisible force of lull moments. At exactly 6PM, I had nothing to do so I chose to sleep. At some point in waking up, I cursed cyberspace. I had the urge to go online check my mail and yes, if anything comes up on you. Information can readily be acquired if you want it and yes, I more than wanted it. The opportunity somehow presented itself through our common connections and suddenly your very presence is alive more than ever. If he is indeed giving me sound advice from a conversation with you then damn! It just made it hurt some more. Maybe I have to be drawn to so much pain to stop thinking about us and you but I know in my heart that it would still mean the world to me even if you send me a spit.

Day 7

Tomorrow is exactly one week from the time you left. I can only create a virtual state of the past week without you and nothing to look back about us the next coming weeks. Yes, I still love you. Yes, I want to see you. I feel now how unfair it is on my part, on my side but realizing this will not help me either. I have written so many sad poems and songs and none of this has ever come to life until now. I am hurting and even more burned. I want to throw all your memories that I believe you left with so much love seven days ago. They say ignorance is bliss, that knowing less about you can make me get through this somehow but why is it even more painful? In the end, I still would like to believe that you did the right thing, that it was for our sake. In the same way that I have to accept the fact that this pain of doing the "right" thing will get better in the "right" time.

2008-09-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

I told myself I will not whim into a song but then in order to make perfect sense out of the unjustifiable, I had no choice than to crack down into these pieces with no tune.

I withered undawned with any possibilities of seeing you. You crave for such beauty that I try so hard to understand when we both convinced ourselves that no regret shall be made.

I battle and cry to myself like a lost little girl caught up in the sobbing rain. As it is, I still chose to linger on these last days that I am with you. I find it nonetheless good that by the time we will part ways, I have drowned terribly in these soon-to-be-lost memories of us.

You call it melodrama, I call it a fight

I'm published!!!!

2008-08-31T09:24:00.000-07:00

Pulela in the inquirer

2008-08-15T03:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a terrible dream.

I woke up without you reaching out for me.

What are you feeling about September?

Me? I am scared to lose you

I am scared to end it.

I am scared that telling you my fears of losing you will make you end it.

I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH to hold you back from doing what you want to do but I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE to let you go just like that.

I am sure that you know that this should come around soon no matter how we try to dismiss it.

God knows how time and again, I try to initiate having us talk about this.

Should we let go?

Do you still believe that at this point, what we have is still not worth it all?

I LOVE YOU, I really do.

I am in deep pain while writing this.

I am writing in random because at first in many times, I find myself doing this to just effortlessly release all of what I feel.

I know that you have warned me about this from the very start and believe me, I still would like to convince myself now that I am as strong as I was when I decided to proceed with this.

I have never felt so darn happy when I was with you as when I was with anyone else.

Right now, you are my best friend and the love of my life.

I don't want you to go, I really don't. I will be an idiot and a liar to pretend that I am ok with all this.

Once and for all, I just want to veer away from this state of denial I am at. This state to which I have sheltered myself so we can enjoy each and every moment of togetherness.

I will miss you.

2008-06-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

I have atlast found some 5 minute insight on a crap fold world I've built that last 8 months. Relationships can well be observed like timely insigna of how your sanity can define you. I know that I chose to live my life the with no profound option than to just watch he world's citizen come and go in this country. Whether they leave me with shit or a heartbreak, I practically careless in the name of experience. Sometimes you'd just believe the age-old cliche of how hard it is to be a woman. That women are made to wait while men conquer. That you carry the curse of a country that is used to being conquered.

Sweet Spot

2008-03-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

A nice song for the apple of my eyes
The look that lingers til my toes fall asleep
Your bald head leaning on my shoulder
I hold your hands as your skin kisses me
Endless thoughts that talk like there's no tomorrow
A vision in a bubble where we stay...

I start in bed as the passion rise
You hold me tight with a little smile
I feel those arms loving my waist
I breathe those lips that sweep my face
I will caress you til the morning comes
You touched my sleep before it's done

I have yearned long for this little dream
Captivated at how it seemed
You put little berries in my brain
Your sweet antedote to all my pain
You know I'm yours while time is fair
This is our moment written on air...

2008-03-27T04:01:00.000-07:00

You've probably seen me cry
When you lied and laughed at it
I just cried..

When I looked the way I feel,
you know that I was crying..
For only this pain comforted me

You among everybody
Me with you
Me among all of them
...nothing.

I reached out but failed
Yet I still felt for you
I thought of you...

I'm the only one who cried.

Snarl

2007-12-15T10:38:00.000-08:00

maybe now i know what you can't do to me. i've snarled myself to believing that one day you would love me. i know now that i am a fool for believing that in my mind you have me. you had it blocked from the very start. I can never push through, never penetrate for what i can offer is time. in my mind i have you when in reality you have no one but her.This is my curse. Loving when i can't be loved. Living a life of sacrifice for deception. I pretend I am spontaneous. I thought i can take a flight to confusion. Nothing left than a heartache, a train wreck and you will never force yourself to care. Never will you be there the way i want you for you are her's not mine.

2007-11-20T06:57:00.000-08:00

I am a princess..
Jailing myself in my own field of sanity
I placed a crown of shit in my head
Eating every single word I've said
The same desire I've had in my heart
Has lead me astray to begin from the start

I am a little queen of pain
Drinking every adventure of a life insane
I cross every path in this jungle
To be eaten by the beast of my own existence
Forgetting what I planned I get beaten..
I get drowned I am nowhere else to be found
Than this dark pit..

A deceived life to explore
I know I'm down to nothing more
My pained heart kept crying
In rhythmic sobs that only I can hear
Allowing the royalty around me to inflict
Such hurt liberally so quick

In a span of a heartache
I am lost once more
I run this path towards an empty door
No promises…
Just deceptions…

I am crowned in shit and I just cried
A little princess out of her mind
I cried til the pain grew stronger
And this dying heart grow weaker
I just cried…
I left no secrets to hide...

“A tale of broken bars and a piece of Cake”

2007-10-03T19:13:00.000-07:00

“The recipe of life comes with occasional doses of alcohol and boosts of sugar but as to when we decide to have it, depends on us.”

Some days ago this girl trying to live the corporate highlife started having attacks of subdued loneliness to which she tried to remedy by working more…Big Mistake! At the end of the day, driving along a student colonized streak, she came across some broken bar where an obscure jazz band played their blues. In the tune of a brass rendered “Cuando, cuando”, this girl nursed her first can of German Oettinger beer by the bar swaying in subtle head movements while closing her eyes in reverie. Somewhere in the middle of gulping her second can and noticing the cute vocalist, she officially declared herself "depressed". Too lazy to figure out whether her malady is hormonal or stress-related, she somehow tried to embrace the perennial feeling. There it goes…how many times in your life do you find comfort in depression and treat it as an adventure? Could it be possible that she’s just plain tired of the familiarity that life brings? Again, she’s way too lazy to even analyze it. When the vocalist tried to walk her up for what appeared to her as a desperate small talk (given that the place is populated by measly three people), she knew in her heart how much she just wants to be alone, just her and her unfamiliar feeling in a seemingly familiar world. Not all the time does she decide to drink by herself or let alone get drunk but speaking in slurs with a handsome gentleman on her work clothes and evident frown isn’t her idea of magic. However, in the spirit of politeness she answered his questions in the most detailed and generous way possible. For some reason, she just can’t believe how Mr. Brass Cutie managed to stay two hours talking with Ms. Corporate Junkie who has a big banner written in her forehead that says: "You’re cute definitely but I wanna be alone”Maybe he can just use some chat while waiting for his band mate’s pack-up their colossal cellos and trumpets. Her mind kept traveling to the streets of Cuba where she wanted to dance salsa with Latinos however at that moment all she has is a broken bar, her can of Oettinger(which at that time she needs to save for the road) and a forthcoming memory of talking with a jazz derrière. She called it a night. He called it closing time.

So the night ends and dawn is nearing, in a couple of hours she would need to wake up to continue her journey to depression. Does she even want a cure? Oh yes! Depression can only be embraced for so long. She decides to wake up and with the lack of words to describe it, be happy. Oh yeah, it’s a weekday and another workday. Finishing her morning tasks after a hearty breakfast, she remembers how she’s wanted to try a certain piece of pie in a cozy coffee joint she’s noticed on her way to work. So it goes…she orders the shop’s specialty pie with a dose of cold caffeine rush and voila! Happiness in a piece of cake! Endorphins with the slight regret of not making the most out of a possible encuentro with Mr. Brass cutie fell all over her. It would’ve been great if she had that pie last night but cliché as it may sound, indeed everything happens for a reason. While staring in straight contemplation a message appeared on her phone that says: “It was that deep thought you had in your eyes last night that made me write a song this morning. It’s Darren by the way and I was singing to you on your sullen mood in that bar”.

What is your piece of pie? Happiness is so simple and free but loneliness is often necessary. The recipe of life comes with occasional doses of alcohol and boosts of sugar but as to when we decide to have it, depends on us. Another learning from her experience is that life in parts is about embracing every feeling that keeps your heart away from the curse of familiarity. It’s the different hormonal rushes in your vein, the dramatic encounters with life’s paradoxes, the “would be’s” than the “could’ve beens”, the weather change, kaleidoscopic people and the varied substances that caress your taste buds every now and then that the heavens send us in droplets to keep us alive. Never miss out on every lesson and reason that goes along with it. Don’t be scared of that broken bar as you could be assured that sugary sweet pies are everywhere for your helping and when you get it, don’t forget to indulge!"

Prose to you

2007-09-19T02:26:00.001-07:00

I watched as the feathered smoke formed thoughts conveyed through your eyes. I lay in cosmic drain figuring out how life can change one heartbreak at a time….

I think in prose..

Soon everything will be gone flying in clouds like some oblique spiral stairwell of everything that transpired. All these have gone from its claimed significance to some measly memoir that wallowed us one thought at a time. You looked at me as I stared in space crossed blightly in bed. We went to change our steaming directions to different paths derived from one night of cautious fantasy. Only a bleak moment remains before we let go. I know from this paralleled sorrow that it will be hard to look back. I can go on cursing every beautiful thing hat we shared, fold the puzzles and pieces together to come up with the strangest purpose. Right now I just want to lie in eternity at a close distance from where we came from.

I’d liberally take you back but won’t.

Foolish song

2007-09-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

I’d like to unlearn you
Tomorrow is another day
And yet you still inspire me
I want to forget you
But you’ve pissed right down my brain
And I can’t unwant you

I trace the tracks of you in my memory
And I seem to want some more of you
You’re what I wanna learn
You’re all I need to burn
I’m stupid to even yearn

Oh how hours past just thinking
This crazy game I’m playing
Unguessing all your flaws
When I’m pretty much in awe
..of you
..damn of you

I can’t unlearn you
Somebody fry my mind please
Every little thing in you
Such a habit I’m used to
We were never through
We were never through

Cold Beats

2007-09-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

Watch me make this song
Where our cold beats belong
I’ve seen it in your eye
I’ve seen it in that smile

I’m hurting and then numb

I was hopeful and then some

The things I thought had worth

Meant nothing to you than dirt

Inspired by the numbness that you bring
For you this song I sing...

I’ll write it and not look back
I’ll leave it in your sack
I never would have wanted to stay
This is our way out in the rain

The part they call anger
Is where I never wanna linger
I’d offer you this peace
Written down in cold beats

And yet if you feel the need
To be that little angry kid
I’d let you have your way
Until tomorrow brings your day

Yeah…this is where the cold beats stay
Yeah…memories living us in vain

If you then choose to be bitter
Living you would be so much sweeter
All these is but a good thing
Nothing else is worth keeping

I’ll write it and not look back
I’ll leave it in your sack
I never would have wanted to stay
This is our way out in the rain

Cold beats on my finger..
Cold beats in your eye...

After my 27 years of existence, I learned (in an abridged manner) that…

2007-08-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

In Friendship as in any relationships, it takes effort and a whole lot of giving. The minute friends learn the art of sacrifice and of reciprocation, the effort turns into sheer joy and guiltless pleasure. Only then, can the gift of friendship take into fruition to benefit both parties involved. Imperfection is beyond question when you've decided to be someone’s friend. In the process, you just keep on becoming good at it. Your listening skills become keener, you learn when to give way for your friend’s emotions over yours, you learn to strike a rift then it mend right away or in time. You then realize how forgiving can only be divine and it can never get more real until you commit yourself to forgiving a person. Friendship indeed is the well spring of every relationship you get into. You’re blessed enough if you can find one true friend in a lifetime so be extra thankful if you get loads of them who got your back.

The world? it gets smaller by the minute. Your friend’s cousin’s ex lover’s brother whose best friend hooked up with your brother in an island in Finafuti whom you bitched in an instant over dinner in Cebu (which may have totally meant nothing you) may turn out to be the daughter of your new boss giving you that big, fat career promotion of a lifetime. Get the point?

Love? Now this thing gets far too universal in a sense with each failed attempt in experiencing it. Insights about the topic become more and more boundless. Suddenly you breathe it in each coffee conversation, radio song, poem, place and memory so I don’t even want to get started on this. In the end, it’s still worth all the trivialities given that the pain tells you just how much you can only take, each flaw reminds you how imperfections are stuff you don’t want to but can’t live without and all those sleepless nights and wishy- washy thoughts have to just be taken with a grain of salt (nothing more). In the end, what you thought was a failed attempt to experience love is what it really is all about. The cunning beauty it brings to life is what makes it more attractive. Your heart never gets tired of it for when it does, it just dies. It can only be wiser and more discerning in “every next time around”. If it’s not for someone, let loving be for something like a passion or an idea, a principle or best for a higher being.

This Higher being I am talking about we all know (don’t or choose not to know) as GOD is definitely someone whose grace is unimaginably limitless. You can never guess how this guy never gets tired of forgiving, of loving and of second chances. When we’ve reach the point of having no one to look up to anymore, then we’re bound to get lost. I can only speak for my own 27 years and I could say that I’ve served sentences of ignoring my God and figuring it out on my own. I don’t know, I just fail, I lose my fuel and realize how ridiculous it is to make life more complicated by forgetting that he’s just there all the time. We may choose the question, to criticize, be way too anal about the whole concept of faith probably to simply display the prowess of the human mind but be assured that this GOD is patient like a devoted lover. I know this first hand and I just get drawn to him more knowing that this mind I have is something he has given me. Whether you like it or not, the salvation he brought a thousand years back is FREE. I choose to swim on it each day and though my life may not be perfect, I know I’m up for an adventure with this God who wants nothing than the best for me.

Life. It bites, it scares, it awes…it’s just a gift. You have the free hand to nurture or to waste it. No clichés..No more pun. Just live it!

To Crunchy pop dudie

2007-07-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to keep the friendship but I hope you know that I am more torned and hurt than angry. I hope someday you'd realize how much I really tried beyond my usual strength to understand what you're going through to give justice to all painful words, comments and gestures that you've given me. In the end, I've reached my last straw that walking out of it to keep the residual respect I have for this friendship was what I thought is the only way. You know what I've been through in the past. How people have hurt me time and again and how much it took me to recover from it. Please don't condemn me for doing this.

There's so much fond memories that we shared, the moments you have been there for me alongside the beautiful stuff you did that I would not want to go to waste. I hope that there's a better way that we can resort to but I guess its partly my fault that I allowed you to hurt me to be left really wounded and not even think of keeping what we have. Know that I have forgiven you before you could even be apologetic. Know that there's so much I would've wanted to share. Please know that I wish I can be that salvation to heal you of the hurt and angst you have in your heart. But please also understand that I am only a person with limitations who can only take so much sacrifices even for someone she so cares about.

2007-07-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

If you could only understand...
I don't mean to feel this way....
I hang on that tight rope in my chest..
..refusing to say what I feel inside
Words seen so simple but with you
...everything is complex
I am out of my league to even write it
...I don't want to process..I don't want to think
I am in awe of you..
Argh! even saying that hurts..
Why do I flail? Why do I even bother sprucing up?
This should'nt be..this can't
Every minute spent with you, a lost chance...
"better off this way" you say...
"better off this way" I think...
My heart sinks just thinking
...I can't concentrate
..I love you but I cant and I should'nt
I don't like this coz its crazy..it's insane.
I am insane for saying..

Singing my Sagada song...(Pretty in Sagada)

2007-07-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Lushing in this green..

A Labyrinth unseen

Sifting through my eye

I'll live beneath this sky

I can go down the great beyond

..steal surprises in hidden domes

I'll always know in my heart
I can be a lil pretty... Yes in this sweet new place ...I am pretty in Sagada

We ride on, We ride through
The fog that capped our moments through

In this valley yet unknown....Strange new sun in this green new home....

I am lurking in your embrace...
breezy weather in a lovely place

Yes for you I'll ride it through...

Pretty me...Pretty you..

In this silence...

We'll remain

Humming up beneath the rain

Listening closely as you say.....

...Darling, you're pretty in Sagada

In little walks and great big climbs

Let me put those worries behind

Sagada's song reaps through my mind

within valleys and plains between the skies..

Let this stream wash off my pain..

Sagada lives as I remain...

In your memories...I am pretty

Oh yes...pretty in Sagada

2007-05-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

From the book: "Calligrapher"

"Though most of us somehow remember that bullets and car crashes kill in real life,we take the romance myth to heart, we forget to suspend our disbelief. But the disappearing truth is that a man can like a woman in a certain kind of way - on a certain afternoon, perhaps , or in the evening over dinner every once in awhile. And a woman can like a man the same: now and then, from time to time, in some specific setting, in some specific role. There don't have to be promises beyond eternity or improbable undertakings of a responsibility beyond the moment - just the powerful then and there of a FRIENDSHIP TACITLY ATTENDED BY DESIRE. And it may not be quite love and it may not be forever, but the two of them still like each other and it still counts..."

And my poetic take on this goes something like...

It's the clarity that kills
within measures of how it feels
inside truths we don't define
in conversations over wine

You'll soon bring out that foie gras
those wine glasses in the rack
on better occassions that might
Perhaps better than this night

Now I'm in chills looking at you
No reasons to see me beyond this view
No perfect moment as of now
Plain old friendship with no vow

Lead me right, lead me not
dance these rhythms in the dark
What I feel you'll never know
Never now, never show

Better a lie in disgust
than empty promises in the dust
Let it happen as if it may
Let me fall, if you can't stay

2007-04-04T01:20:00.000-07:00

When the blues gets the best in Pulela World..Another rhyme is born

You made me so proud
Seeing you so free
I lost myself somewhere
Watching you with me
I looked at you helpless
And I stopped myself once more
Caught up in between the distance
Of your hand on mine
and your foot at the door
I’ve cried and its so timely
That you looked from behind
I pretended so blindly
That I’ve hurt my eyes in the light
Although you know its about you
You dared not cross the line
Of that distance in this friendship
That have paved the way to this rhyme
And so when she entered
as you tried to get lost with me
I never could manage her stare
Piercing right pass me
I wanted you to tell her
That I’m all you wanted to have
But instead you hugged her tightly
Like a guilty criminal in love
Forgive me if I’m hurting
And if I go on with this rhyme
All I have are words and blunders
That has seen me through time
I am your second best lover
But I’d go on pass my loss
Let me go on with what I have
Let me tell you what I thought is love
Maybe the pain I have felt
Maybe this emptiness I have dealt
Seeing you beyond the doubt
When the only way through is out

2007-03-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

Cheers to Thursday Salsa Nights!!!

More than Rhythm

Its your shoe taking more than the floor
Its that grip the shows you where to go
When the rhythm transcends the beat
And your heart pounds down to your feet
This is when you know more than the dance
Nurture your passion than the chance
Ride along with the rhythmic story
Let the music take its glory
Don't just count, nor define
When it's cryptic, let it be thine
Turn it up, stride the floor
Let your body move its core
Your heart begets what the music wants
With your soul sailing as it enchants

More than rhythm, More than a dance
It's life taking you by the hand...

2007-03-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

Right here in your midst I sleep in peaceful breaths
I laid my worries to rest In this living jungle's chest
My world is a ring in your finger
And you look at it in awe
I'm home in this little serenity
To which you've my placed my heart
Now Icould live the past behind
Only this journey with you in my mind
I wont think of what would be
You're all that I should see
So brave when I surrender
So close when I go farther
I race the tracks you've made
I fight for your embrace
I live for a past that died
Down on my knees this time
I can only love you more
I can only love you more

On to you

2007-03-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

I chanced upon the libraries
That once dwelled in your head
I looked through the depths
That hid in your little shed
I pretended to be blind
Never wondrin’ what I’d do
Just hoping that I’d know it
When everything comes down to you
Once again, it all seemed shallow
Just trying to write a song
Wanting to come across
These bridges that grew long
I craved not for a sigh
But a window to your mind
A little less than a mystery
That I’ve seen through your eyes
When inspiration has gone to hoping
And realizing what was true
I reached my pocket for a listing
Of the things that lead me to you

"What's up now in Pulela world??"

2006-09-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

It surprises me how I've failed to find the right inspiration to update my blog when so much had happened since my last entry. Truth is..timing is everything. Between gym class, my worksched and weekend happenings, I'm glad to find myself a wee-bit broke after splurging for my birthday. It finally dawned on me that my next "financial overflow" (sorry can't think of a better term), like blogging..it just happens

Anyway, so what's up? Yes love, it was a beautiful birthday luau. I was so happy feasting with all my friends from all walks of my lifetime that no vodka mix did not work for me. Hula-Hula is now my favorite dining place as it now brings back a fresh smell of new memories from my last birthday. I was successful enough to share the luau dining experience (minus the beach) to my guests. Not one person was neither drunk nor stuffed. Ma'halo to all who came and as my cake goes, it is indeed, a great Aloha 26!

I learned in church that gentleness is "power under control" so there goes my formal drumming class where I learned the fundamentals of power in banging..hehehehehe. It's ironic indeed how this powerful instrument can teach you how to be so gentle. From the stick grip to metronome reading, the art of drumming chokes me up on how to live life. I know its cheezy to bring up all these life lessons when all I wanted to say is "Man! i love playing the drums" but what the heck, this is Pulela world after all. I know that I'm no closer yet to the real rockstar dream but hey, it's never too late. I also know that it won't be long before I arrange some drumbeats on those blogged compositions of mine. This is a nice shot of me on my practice set!

The main event? our new addition to the family: Francisco Miguel aka "Juigo", my new baby brother. Like drumming and blogging, having our little Juigo indeed showed me how Love can just happen and gentleness take its power over you. You're such a gift little bro :) Need I say more? he's so lucky to have such a gorgeous sis!

Then I'll say, that's it for now. I would'nt narrate tragic petty parts like some new found love turned semi "break-up" that happened sometime before my bday as i got enough emo room for those on my poems and songs. Anyway, Pulela world ain't Pulela world without my sappy-cheezy lovelorn entries right?! But there's another thing that I learned and it's pretty simple. "Happiness is looking at the ripe apples". In an apple tree, there will always be the unriped fruits, the rotten ones and the yummy ripe ones. Let's just say that at the moment, I'm still chewing on my fresh juicy, red picks :)

You're invited!!!

2006-08-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

2006-06-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

Does it count that I think you’re epic?
Drumbeats playing long in swirls and patterns
And I still think you’re cryptic
My heart began unbreaking
The day I had your back
I am listening…
I am falling…
To your every move, I’m playing
My hand fetched in every snap
My soul flailing in every clap
Let me move you…
Let me soothe you…
And when this song becomes familiar
And when this beat is done
You’d know its all worth it.
Unexplainably worth it..
You’re my mystery unsolved
You’re my soul’s echo unresolved
You are…you are

"Weekend Wonder"

2006-06-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

On this last day of one of those rare long weekends we have at work, I can't help but look back on how superb the past two days have been. Spent Saturday driving 300kms north to La Union with my couplet friends Abby and Paul as well as new found couplet friends Michelle and Gutch (hope I spelled his name right). It was a good 5-6hr drive from Manila which took us through different towns and barrios in the North. I was composing this blog entry in my mind already while kicking speed pass endless trucks and jeepneys on "one-lane streaks" where overtaking is not only challenging but perilous. Thank God we made it safely to the resort.

It did not take long before I started pestering surfer locales to teach me how to surf. Although this guy I wanted to call "Frankie" made me wait for God knows how long (not to mention keeping me in moments of both anticipation and anxiety during the wait), He did not fail to work me up in that surfboard. Thanks to him also, I had ample time to wade with the big, playful waves which kept crushing and beating my back but never ceasing to keep me at awe at how such big element of nature can be so gentle the moment it gets to shore as I wait. Hah! I must be a real "wave-charmer" at that..hehehehe.

So it goes, my journey to Surfing 101, I'm pretty proud of myself to have learned the basics in less than an hour. The wait for Frankie sure was worth the experience and this picture perfect moment (as posted). Someone who has'nt been doing push-ups and serious exercise would probably wonder how the hell she could get up on that board to ride on on the waves but I guess perseverance and faith can really make a difference. Frankie was also a natural teacher at the sport so Kudos to him!

Two hours later, we decided to call it a day at surfing student's haven so we went back to the resort and prepare for dinner. By the way, here's me with the kids of Golden Haven surf spot...they totally loved my surfing:

Random disclaimer:
Pardon me for such poor trail of thoughts (incase you noticed). Per this whole blog, you can see that I'm admittedly better doing poems than narrating so cut me some slack for this entry (thanks very much)

And then there was dinner, the two sets of couplets had their fill of booze as I joined them for a couple of minutes over cajon-jamming and I-pod trippings but later on dozed-off early since I'd have to drive back to Manila early the day after. Trying to sleep at the usual humid weather on a fan room was needless to say, a struggle but I eventually made my way to lala-land to charge myself up for another long drive .

The trip back to Manila was a breeze. I was so high and happy form the whole experience with so much energy for my next mission on to the first ever Percussion festival!!!

My prayers have been answered. This whole free-for all perc-jamming, by the bay idea is so brilliant. It's like the closest you can get to Cuban-street dancing!! I invited my brother, his friend and another "blog-mate" who's beginning to become a fan of both percussions and reggae. This event is organized by the Samba school of Manila who's decided to make this a regular event every Sunday from 3-6pm at a bar called "By the bay" in Baywalk. The idea, is for it to be a free workshop for percussion and samba dancing enthusiasts. I mean, can't I get any closer to two of my passions???

Yes, you could say that I'm on-a-high right now. It's like God is teaching me how to fall in-love again (duh? you might say). As you can see, everything that's transpired this weekend taught me that it's all about the journey, the waiting, the anticipation and literally how far you'd go for it. Sooner or later, it's gonna be all about sustaining it, making it work, going through the ups downs (the learnings and the frowns) and nourishing it despite it all.

You begin your life everytime you discover new things. I've realized the beauty of life through the waves. My love affair with it started with fear at how big and magnificent it looks. That fear eventually turned to awe as I gawk closer to its majesty..Next thing you know I'm riding it and taking full control.

At the very end of it, I know that God is loving me through all these experiences. I'm all sure this weekend is just a taste of things to come, the beginning of a lot new discoveries and hopefully the end of boredom (harhar!)

2006-05-28T08:35:00.000-07:00

It was a pretty fine Sunday for me to be the perfect traffic stopper in Ortigas Avenue but here’s the story:

Driving along Meralco avenue can’t get anymore extraordinary until a pack of stare-trippers on a jeepney ride started ogling at me with sheer ridicule. What can I do? I was so “in the zone” with my new reggae CD for me to not sing and dance along with it behind my steer. They were literally laughing and pointing at me to their fascination or should I say to their “entertained judgement”. Next thing you know, I was outta my car on my new pumps with my frizzed up hair all over my face marching my my fist towards this guy’s already pounced up nose. Suddenly, Meralco avenue’s red light was in a permanent stall thanks to the MMDA playing their peacemaking acts in the guise of radio-wiring (“aguila..meralco..over please!!) and motorcycle sirens. Setting out that green mile for me to precinct 52 (or is it?), I guess those ganging-up hecklers have learned their lesson: don’t mess-up with Goldilocks on a black car.

Nah! The scene was just caved in my head (referring to the going down the car part onwards). Sorry to disappoint you guys but thanks to my residual sanity and grounded (so to speak) Christian values, such a scene did not transpire. I, instead decided to sulk on my private world (which everybody knows I am good at) of profound thoughts and began thinking of what this whole thing is trying to teach me, thus this blog entry.

Nope, the whole experience did not tell me to never dance on the privacy of my own car in traffic but a feast of timely symbolism started to pop in my head. If I may just narrate for the sake of my readers learning past poetry in this blog, my current office situation very much paralleled what went on in Meralco avenue. In a nutshell, I am currently going through heated up email exchanges, malicious gossips about my sanity and hecklers painting the next story about me for their cheapso, ego-brooding testosterones’ content (sorry for going overboard on that last bit, need I say more on the gender of my “biggest fans”? hehehehe ). I can’t help but wonder how these people are just like those “new friends” of mine on Meralco avenue on a cheap ride. I figured, these guys (those on the jeepney ) probably felt really uncomfortable on their trip with no other option than to look at the one behind them who happens to be doing well in her own ride..her own world. I mean, It’s not my fault that I chose to have fun and manage to drive my vehicle to Sunday bliss and they’re not. Obviously, their gossiping about me can’t turn their commute into a luxury (or almost) voyage. It’s pretty good though that I did not go with my imaginary plan to confront them violently. Some people may find it hard to believe that it would be my last option to attack them just like that. My ego button is well secured with cushions of self esteem for them to puncture on. News flash! Pulela world is a whole lot better than what most weirdos think. Yeah, they’re the weird ones and not me.

Funny how all these came down somewhere in between my power nap over my derma session and creamy kopirotti cup which I both had awhile back. I have my own way of letting things simmer down so I can ponder and write about them. I believe that my God speaks to me through circumstances that unfortunately only I can spell out. People think I am way different from them and yes they’re right, I really am. Just that I don’t see anything wrong with that unlike them, who can amazingly find the time to magnify it infront of everybody without them knowing how it’s working to their disadvantage. They think they’re way better than anybody else simply because they’re so caught up with the world spinning around their foolishness. Relative to that, yeah they are better but on a larger scale, they’re no more than a minuscule inch of how I see things.

2006-05-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

I am a trail blazing doll
Running fools out of my door
I got hopeless on the second try
Failing hope where all hope is for
The river of lies has gone down
To where my ocean rest
There goes the sky on my sun
When they wonder what I do best
People hate the weirdos that come around
But hey My God is big
I’m a bit more special than what they think I am
I am tighter than your imaginary fist
Don’t do me no garbage
Oh man, I got no time for that
You want to see me crying
Then beat me up if it were for fun
The losers will then come off stage
So I’ll be laughing at the last show
I’ll forgive you at the curtain call
Give me that straight face
Let those egos fall down low
And if my beat finds you ignorant
I would be no less surprise
I am not into your garish tripping
For which you’ve paid a hefty price
And if selling jokes were your specialty
Then honey you’re doing a good job
Just look right smack at the mirror
For each penny that you’ve been robbed

“Mahalin mo minsan”

2006-05-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

(Thanks derbster for the inputs..Cheers to our first single!!! woohoo!)

Lihim na ngiti
Natatagong pangako
Walang malay mong iniwan
Pusong tumibok minsan
Kahit sandali lang
Gusto kong mayakap ka
Ayoko man makaramdam nito
Matigas na ulo ko ang sinundan

Di ako nagbibiro
Sana’y wag tawanan
Lumalapit na syo
Sana’y wag iwasan
Alam ko isang araw
Ako ri’y iiwanan
Pansamatala lamang
Mahalin mo minsan

Ako nala’y magkukubli
Sa mundong di mo alam
Hanapin mo nalamang
Kung oras ay tama
Wag mo lang saktan
Pusong minsa’y nasugatan
Bahid ng pangangailangan
Na ngayon muna’y maging kaibigan

Di ako nagbibiro
Sana’y wag tawanan
Lumalapit na syo
Sana’y wag iwasan
Alam ko isang araw
Ako ri’y iwanan
Pansamatala lamang
Mahalin mo minsan

Mali man na aminin
Masikit na di sabihin
Mamasdan ka nalang kahit malayo
Maghihintay kahit hapo
Bigo na kung bigo
Siguro buti nang di kumibo
Itong pag-ibig na alay ko
Mananatili lamang sayo

Pulela-on-a-Riddle

2006-05-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Riddle, fiddle
Mind in the middle
Doodle, fondle
Stirred until settled
Squabble, babble
Catch me by the handle
Feeble, nimble
Riding as you swivel
Wiggle, giggle
Dancing like a rebel
Cradle, cuddle
Loving you in battle
Sizzle, fizzle
Rowing by the aisle
Razzle, dazzle
Fairy girl in the puddle
Wrestle, Jostle
Knight inside the castle
Hustle, throttle
Bigger than little
Wamble, Gamble
Obvious yet subtle
Meddle, huddle
Smoke on frozen candle

2006-05-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

Summer state of mind

2006-05-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Riddance...

2006-05-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

I opened the door the minute you closed yours
Back in my world from a languishing vacation
Steadfast after a long ride
Vacating my mess to start a new
When nothing is left you'd think you're numb
But it is in numbness when you can start feeling again...
Maybe there's just too much love..too much to give
My crisp blue clouds are beginning to appear
as I'm learning new ways to ride the tides
everday..every hour..every minute
I am back to my eternal summer :)

2006-05-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

"PULELA WORLD IN BORA"

2006-05-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

4 girls, 4 nights, 5 days..ONE BEACH!!! You do the math..we''ll make bora look 4X MORE GORGEOUS :)

2006-05-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

Celebrating day1 sunset with Beh!!

2006-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

Strike a pose!!!

2006-05-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

Dinner on the first night at Hawaiian grill (My kinda place)

2006-05-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

Face fest anybody?!

2006-05-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

Our kinda tan!!!

2006-05-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

Rina getting reday for massage (and sleeping already?! C'mon girl!)

2006-05-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

basking...

2006-05-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

and more basking..

2006-05-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

Day2: Just transferred to "Hey Jude!" (Nice place to spend Bora holidays)

2006-05-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

beautiful sand, beautiful beach and fancy new bikini combination on a beautiful girl (yun yon eh!)

2006-05-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

Me: "Rina, given a chance to become the most beautiful sea creature..what would you be?"

2006-05-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Rina: "Ako mermaid!"

2006-05-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

Me: "I'd be a good sea-model"

2006-05-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

Me: "Sige, a few secs..mermaid ka na!" Rina: "Yeah right! and I'm sure magkaka-bf ka na rin"

2006-05-03T07:24:00.000-07:00

Me: "Rina I see fins!!!" Rina: " Sira! Kulang lang ako sa wax!"

2006-05-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

Me: "Your last chance to change your mermaid wish!" .Rina: "Mermaid nga gusto ko para magka-BF ka na!"

2006-05-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

Me: "Let's be sea models..Let's do the sand-walk" ..Rina:"Madapa ka sana..gusto ko nga mermaid eh"

2006-05-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

Rina: Help please!!! tinutubuan nako ng kaliskis..sabi ko mermaid hinde tsokoy" Me:"Bahala ka, puntahan ko na boyfriend ko.."

2006-05-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

What not to be on a BORA HOLIDAY....NUMBER ONE: Be on the shade most of the time

2006-05-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

Wear boyleg bottoms when you have one of the best bodies around (o ayan Rina ha..bawi-bawi)

2006-05-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

Hate the camera

2006-05-03T07:02:00.000-07:00

...and be lola

2006-05-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sunset time with my best "sun-setter" Abby

2006-05-03T06:58:00.000-07:00

Now its me and Apple

2006-05-03T06:55:00.000-07:00

Sun-setting my way...

2006-05-03T06:54:00.000-07:00

Nigi-Nigi happy hour fans yes we are!!!

2006-05-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

Nigi-nigi fwendz after happy hour

2006-05-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

Stuff we did on our last night (Awww!)

2006-05-03T06:34:00.000-07:00

Abby and Rina Leng-leng on Cocomangas' Illusion

2006-05-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

At the onset..we all decided to go big time leng leng

2006-05-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

One girl is lucky enough to make someone's last night memorable (yihee!!!)

2006-05-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

Abby pigged out at 4am

2006-05-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

while some just went to lola..land

2006-05-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

Aloha!!! (means more lipstick for this lengleng pleazzz)

2006-05-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

"Seven Minutes"

2006-05-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

You lighted another cigarette and began to think...
Now, do you see answers?
Right down there at the back of your ribs,
does your heart beat familiarly the minute you start puffing?
Its quiet right? when the world's a storm.
So sane when everything's gone crazy in their own futile ways.
Maybe here you would just like one minute of escapade in your 15 minute break.
Probably the so-called seven minutes lost in your longevity
would spare you the agony of saying goodbye...

It was beneath that cloud of nicotine where you left me (or do you still remember?)
Nothing of us remained like the residues in that sand made hole you bent on for those black ashes..
When all the smoke have been ceased by the thick Boracay breeze, you probably have seen my face. I'd love to believe that in someway, you've recognized those droplets of tears that fell on my sandy feet. But then again, you must've thought to yourself : "Not again...puffed my smoke on her eyes!"

And when all of these have seen the end of us..We'd just pretend that what we had was just as good as that one pack of Marlboro lights. You'd go on lighting one stick after another and from afar, I'd be thankful that each time you do,you'd remember me. Somehow I've been literally breathing beneath you. Somehow, I've found luxury in inhaling your second hand smoke knowing that it's every piece of you.

I know someday we'll see much more clearly than this. So much clarity indeed without this cloud of smoke. You'd notice that tiny dimple in my left cheek...that little smirk in my eyes each time I adore you. Then you'd know that it won't take nicotine anymore to remember me.

Someday soon, I'd breathe on a fresh new kind of air.We'd live longer lives with enough seven more minutes to linger on the good times.

"Remembering the Beaches"

2006-04-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

More pics on my recent bora trip..coming soon!!!

2006-04-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

Just recently...PULELA WORLD in BORA (April 2006)

2006-04-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

Bora Nescafe Frap launch 2006 (A spontaneous work assignment)

2006-04-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

Maribago cruising with KO2006 team (Mar, 2006)

2006-04-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

Brown but clean and playful waves of Subic

2006-04-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Dreadlocks in Galera 2005

2006-04-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

Peony glimmer at Bora 2005

2006-04-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

My Sun glimmer tatoo on a 2004 Bora trip

2006-04-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

Dramatic Pucca sands of Galera (2004)

2006-04-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

Pearl farm TA press junket with Rese and Mel

2006-04-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ending this spark
That lighted my long wait
Once again am in the dark
Hoping that in the middle of letting go
I’ll find you once more
I know we’ve yet to see
Where this all will come down to
I’m as uncertain as you
I’m as uncertain as this

Loving every minute of our afterglow
And pinching myself to let go
Every moment that we created
Has found its home
This is the place where we set each other free
Not once but over and over again
It would’nt be hard though for you to resist
So much better to feel than insist
That you would one day be mine
And yes, it’s ok..I know I’d be fine

So you’ll read me
And not ever care
So you’d see me
And pretend I am not there
We’d talk as if we never will miss
Each day that lead us both to this
I’d be honest enough to say
That to this moment I’m thinking of you each day
Everyday I give it up
Pray harder and think that one day I’d have to stop

Somehow we know it’s but right
To give up this so-called fight
And yet I’d be bluffing my thoughts away
Pretending that I never heard my heart break
I know in time, I would find
The love beneath this sacrifice
If you don’t want to hear me out, it’s ok
I only write for things I could’nt say

"Fancy You"

2006-04-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

Hold me…
beneath the moonlight
In this sweet, sweet
summer night
The stars just glisten
My skin is missing
The tanny warmth
Of our bodies kissing

Ring your hands
Around me hula dancing
I love you.. love you
When we sway here rocking
I closed my eyes
As you fancy my face
I feel you tight
In this eternal embrace

Ooooh…sugar
I wanna be right next to you
Ooooh…darling
I’ll kiss your worries through
This is our night
This is our world
Let me fancy you
Let me fancy you

The dawn is breaking
The sun is shining
Waking up
Is best with you smiling
Ooh baby…another day
In this island getaway
Let’s sail it through
Let’s sail it through

I’d rather be here darling
At home in your arms so sweet
Forever with you baby
In this cozy summer heat
My love has found its nest
Let’s now do what we do best

Ooooh…sugar
I wanna be right next to you
Ooooh…darling
I’ll kiss your worries through
This is our night
This is our world
Let me fancy you
Let me fancy you

I’ll love you..love you baby
Oooh..sweet, sweet baby..

2006-04-12T18:57:00.000-07:00

Now I am really tired of writing sad. It has been a vicious habit which I need to stop. As in now! Am I addicted to melancholy? Of finding words to describe that sweet song of a broken heart? I believe inspiration sets in on the perfect mix of stimulants (read: a new found love then a heartache, heartache then a new found love and so on..). I deserve to finally write about the real romance that I so look forward to..Maybe a little story that brings hope to all love fools out there...LOVE LORNS, Let's unite! This is crazy. Candidly putting it, I have been a favorite student in the "HeartBreak" department. If my theory holds true that this last blow simply says, I've yet to see the best, perhaps its high time to write about anticipation:

This is me waiting
beyond all tears that I've shed
This is me holding
When all hopes have gone dead
You were right on time
In this crazy world of mine.
I have been yours all along,
Darling yours all along

Now I'm glad I have not given up
Honey I am glad I shook your world up
Now hold my hands and don't let go
I'll be with you through sand and snow
You are that love, I'd love to sing
You are that prayer and everything
The lord knows my sweet surrender
He called on you to take on me over

Baby, having you makes all things right
Really glad I fought a good fight
You're my hundred sunshine in a million rays
My bright yellow cosmos playing chase
You're all those stars in my dreamy skies
My heart just leaps as I looked through your eyes

Sweep me off with a sweetened kiss
Intoxicate`me with caffeine bliss
My heart was yearning the minute I've found
That one true love in this world of doubt
Come on closer and dance with me
Loving you, loving me.
Baby...

Saying a lil' pray'r

2006-04-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

When its wisdom
you'd be fair
There is wisdom
when you know he's there
Life rises on chances
we don't declare
We draw out lessons
as we care

Is it necessary
to know your loss?
In this fallen world
and his cross?
All your heartaches
In his tears
He got your hand
beyond all fears

It's even tougher
when you fight
Holding destiny
with all your might
Let the wind blow
all your defeat
A silent prayer
despite this heat

And now you know he sees you through
You know the lessons above the truth
It's not all about what you can do
He died and lived because of you.

2006-04-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

Basking in the sunless sky during a Bora assignment

2006-04-10T07:12:00.000-07:00

Eto na. Pero wag.
Iniisip kita. Pero Mali.
Bakit ba?
Hinahanap kita
Hinahanap mo ko.
Anong problema?
Sabi ko iiwas nako
Sabi ko sakit ng ulo
O ayan na..Ako nalang kakalas
Kaibigan nga kita, Malabo nga lang
Pag kausap kita, masaya ako
Pag kausap ka ba nya masaya ka rin?
Hinahanap mo rin ba sya?
Kumikislap ba mata nya
Pag iniisip ka nya, bumabaduy din ba sya?
Lumulundag ba puso mo pag kasama sya?
Alam mo, masakit na talaga
Lumuluha ako, di mo nakikita
Iniisip ko nagyon lang ‘to
Lilipas din
Kakalimutan kita
Kakalimutan mo ko
Mahahanap ko rin sya sabi mo
Palibhasa nahanap mo na yung syo.
Ano ba? Di ka naman bobo
Ikaw yon! Ikaw yon!
Yung sinusulat ko..sayo yun
Hangang don nalang muna ako
Kunwari di mo nalang nabasa..di nangaling sakin
Kasi mali..Meron ka na
Baka ako ang bobo
Nahuhumaling sayo..
Sabi ko nga..Lilipas din ‘to
Masaya ka naman sa kanya diba?
Ok na sakin yun
Eto na..
Bka mahal na nga kita.

2006-03-29T06:09:00.000-08:00

I realized that I don’t necessarily have to write everything down to express how I feel. Most of the time, it’s but enough that I am the only person in this world who can hear my heart break. There comes a time in your life when you’d finally know that you can play around on any aspect of your life but your heart for its more perilous than you thought and that a lot still try to be ignorant about it so they’d fool around mindless of what would be left of you when they take everything away. You’d know that in a lot of games, it pays to know who is in the losing end especially when it involves self-preservation. But then again, you’d believe that self-preservation is not selfishness. It’s simply protecting that place of sacrifice, the deepest riverbed of emotions and desires which you could give so easily just like that but can never take back. The moment friendship becomes complicated , It can never be friendship again. Next thing you know, you’d just have to accept the fact that you only meet your soul mate once and that it may not happen again because at that instance the only reasonable thing to do is let go.

"Dreaming my ALOHA" (my summer song)

2006-03-29T06:01:00.000-08:00

You make me smile
one hundred miles
spread through my face
this hip swinging grace
DREAMING MY ALOHA

From dusk til dawn
will groove in this song
of lovers by the sun
reggae trips are fun
DREAMING MY ALOHA

I dream my ALOHA
I dream my ALOHA
Sand in my feet
At home in this heat
with my sweet ALOHA

And when the day is through
I whisper words to you
not going anywhere
until you take me there
DREAMING MY ALOHA

DREAMING MY ALOHA
Darling, My ALOHA

2006-03-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

The distance seem too real
so I decided to live in this dream
of a possibility to love you
and all is boundless but unseen

I found you and its aching
but I care enough to not even break
eventhough my heart has been crying
I wanted you badly than I can take

Can I fancy your imperfections
and end up forgetting you somehow?
So much butterflies inside of me
If I need to forget then let it be now..

Can we love in silence
and not hurt the one you own?
Can we walk in destiny
and not let what we feel show?

2006-03-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

I dunno what I am doing
But you put my mind at ease
Wrong as it may seem
I’d love you anyhow in my dreams

Is it bad enough to need you
When both our lives are making sense?
Finding it ridiculous to fall deeply
But my heart is drowning with no other strength

Glared by eternal sunshine
With a faked kiss I drew in my mind
Holding you so tightly
To my comfort, I made you mine

Hunted by your kindness
I’m intoxicated by your thoughts
Rampantly holding me
As I searched for my own loss

What moment may not have started
What possibility may not just happen
Will you love me anyhow
For this silent song I am singing now?

"Hopeful""

2006-03-19T02:44:00.000-08:00

I wanna be your sunshine
when this flat world seems so low
You make me cross the distance
when we let each moment go
And when everything makes sense
You try to build up your defense
Then we lose the hope we know
as we go on pass this show

Can we ever be?
Can we ever be?

Sparing gazes
Losing chases
Taken by the one you own
So my presence have to be despaired for now
Until you claim my heart somehow

More than hopeless
Less than hopeful
when its understated
It's less complicated
So keep the pace
In this crazy chase
coz I am less than hopeful
A little less than hopeful

2006-01-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

Quality book time

2006-01-13T07:14:00.000-08:00

Dreamy..